Beyond Failure - What If ?
What if? These two words cover all the infinite possibilities that the universe offers. From analyzing the past, debating the present, to dreaming of the future; from real to imaginary; from events to circumstances; from heaven to hell; from land to the seas; from utopia to dystopia. All that our imagination can create – these two words contain.
The “What if I fall?” The question often constrains us from maximizing our potential. It is the basic fear of failure that we are constantly attempting to avoid while battling with our self-preservation instinct that kicks in at the first sight of a challenge. This fear is most prevalent in the millennials of today – aka US.
Ingrid Holm–Garibay rightly says, “It is always much better to try your best and fail, than not trying at all.”
I recently had a eureka moment! This is a realization I have dormant had for a while. It actively struck me, and I felt compelled to put it into words. I recognized that I much rather have the satisfaction of trying my level best for something vs. avoiding it because of the fear of failure and rejection.
The big question at hand is: What is worth putting in all our efforts for?
Step One: Choose your battles carefully and wholeheartedly
Very few things in life are worth our time and energy – recognizing which ones they are is extremely vital. These are the things that trump our opportunity cost list so they better deserve the pedestal.
Step Two: Action followed by faith
Once we have our goals clearly defined – we must do our best and leave the rest. There is only so much that is in our control. The rest is all about what the universe is conspiring for us. Beyond our action and duty, it is faith that takes over. Faith not only in the result we desire, but also in the credibility and highest good of the final climax. Life is like a pendulum swinging between karma and destiny. Our destiny is shaped by the circumstances around us that are outside our control, while karma is determined by our actions and the decisions we make using our own discretion.
It is our duty to take charge and steer our life into the direction of our desires.
It is an active choice to create the possibility of opportunity over laying comfortably cuddled up in our abodes. Take those chances. Because later you do not want to find yourself asking, “What if… I had taken that chance?”
The most random chance I took was trying out for long distance race events in 7th grade. Growing up, my family laughed about how I could not walk two steps without falling. Sports was my brother’s thing. It was far from being my forte. Obviously, this thought had been deeply engraved in my mind. While the list of Founders Day Athletic try – outs was being prepared, I laughingly signed up to try for some races – the only debate in my mind was if I would be competing for the last or penultimate position.
Absolutely unbeknownst, to my out-and-out surprise, I finished first. It had to be a fluke. My family and I were all shocked. As time passed – 800 ms, 1500ms, and 2.5kms became my absolute thing. I won the gold medal for every 800m race I ran for 6 consecutive years. I felt like I wasn’t running to obtain the gold, but instead to save my prized possession. The shining gold circle had my name written all over it, and it was my responsibility to protect it. I was flying high – worked day and night for it and with God’s grace – achieved it.
My long distance style and strategy was differed from the usual. Typically, the correct tactic we were taught was to take the lead in the race and keep it in order to win. Somehow, that just didn’t work for me. I took it easy in the beginning, and gradually picked up speed. Often, people would sprint at the start and be completely worn out midway. I would position myself as the second person by the penultimate round, allowing the first person to take the wind hit and intimidating them with my strong breathing and footsteps right behind them. In the final 100 meters, I would overtake, sprint, give it my 100% and happily cross the ribbon. It was liberating. It was magical and I felt like an absolute star.
But, this isn’t about my glory story. It’s actually about the real teacher someone we should all befriend and quit being intimidated by – failure.
Let’s say in terms of lessons and self-growth, failure is our long-term marriage, while success is just the short-term fling.
The true lessons had to unfold. What better way to teach us than the things closest to our hearts? It was time for me to learn and grow from the thing that mattered to me the most – my athletic race golds. It was 11th grade and October came around. The big field of our school was hustling and bustling – colored house T- shirts filled the arena, the smell of Founder’s Day, the thrill in the air and the whole school cheering and eagerly watching the adrenaline rushed races.
Little did I know, my life was about to change.
It was 2008. Eight years ago – but the memory is still vividly etched in my mind. It was the final 200 m of the annual 1500 m race. I had no choice but to get the gold. It was never news that I won the gold because that was the norm. If I didn’t win it, it would be headlines worthy news for the whole school. How would I face them? How could I come second? I began to feel tired and started doubting if I could overtake, sprint and beat the person ahead of me. I convinced myself in those split seconds that I was not feeling well and was going to collapse. Till date, I don’t know if that was true – but logic tells me it was more of my negative mind convincing me than my physical body giving up. 1370 meters into a 1500 meters race, with my second position secured and while I was in full scope to sprint and catch my first, I stepped out of the race track into the oval. All the spectators watched in awe and shock – “What had just happened?” I felt miserable in every part of my body. “What had I just done? Why had I done that?” 8 years have passed by and I still cannot justify it. That was by far the most spineless thing I have ever done and hope to never have a more cowardly story to overpower that one.
It was mostly “What if I fail?” and a bit of “What if I fall?” (quite literally). In simpler terms, it was fear of failure, it was fear of rejection, it was fear of not being first. I massaged my ego by thinking that, “Oh! I wasn’t a complete participant in the race which is why I couldn’t get the gold.” But in reality – I knew I was an escapist who gave up the battle midway. I got nothing but a feckless feeling. Which is worse than sportingly compensating for silver. I felt broken and worthless. I briefly spoke to my mother and she was unquestionably disappointed. She could not believe I had behaved in such a manner.
I had to walk through the dark tunnel of introspection to eventually discover light at the end of it. It was a journey that began with scorning myself; gradually coming to terms; accepting the situation; and not being so harsh on myself. This incident had the greatest impact on me. I made a resolution to NEVER GIVE UP and I can confidently say till date that I have well practiced it in every aspect of my life.
Lets not confuse giving up with letting go. I have had to let go, many times – but not given up. The difference between giving up and letting go is enormous and that circles back to the first step that I highlighted initially – choosing our battles carefully.
I’ll also share an example of how rejection taught me to persevere and continued to serve its duty as a loyal spouse. It was my senior year of college at the University of Virginia. I had chosen my battle and decided that I wholeheartedly wanted to work in the US in the Consulting or Marketing field after graduation. My mind was clearly set on the goal. I applied to plenty of jobs and faced numerous rejections before landing the one I finally accepted. I had my phases of losing confidence and feeling dreadful, but I learned one thing for sure. I was not going to let the fear of rejection stop me from trying. Every opportunity un-availed is an opportunity wasted.
The optimism of possibility trumped this fear and the satisfaction of attempting brought me tranquility.
Once the effort is channeled, the result is beyond our control. We must wholeheartedly and spiritedly accept the situation at hand and understand that the outcome is for the very best.
This is a combination of effort, overcoming fear, being open to infinite possibilities, and having faith that everything happens the way it is meant to be.
Shoot me down but I won’t fall – I rather put myself completely out there and go to bed with peace that I tried with every fiber of my being, than with the question – what if I had done something differently or what if I had gone that extra mile?
No what ifs. In the end, just the wholehearted acceptance of what is and what isn’t.
“There is freedom waiting for you, on the breezes of the sky, and you ask “What if I fall?”
Oh but my darling, What if you fly?” ~ Erin Hanson